The Joy of Dirt

The Joy of Dirt^TM

      The builder of the house in the swamp was focused on creating a small, single level abode. The area around it was destined for fill dirt. After moving into that house years later, I would find broken crockery, coke bottles and cap pistols mixed through the expanse of almost impervious dirt, all of which was inimical to life as we know it.

      My wife purchased some plants and my pick chipped away at the cement-like crust, creating small holes. The holes were refilled with the dusty clay, watered and the plants left to their own devices. Mission accomplished.

      Would you be shocked to discover that few of those survived?

      Decades after those initial gardening attempts, still uninterested in plants, I got the idea that if I watered the remnant population of scraggly azaleas, they might do better. With that deep insight, I launched into a multi-decade interest in watering. And a few other landscaping concepts. I learned that digging those holes was just creating an impervious pot which holds rain water as well as an aquarium. Few plants survive with their roots drowned in a tub. I began a continuing set of experiments designed to create dirt that the bushes would be happy in.

      Reading books and talking to a variety of people gave me conflicting answers. These replies provided fodder for a couple of articles in the Azalean magazine under the tongue-in-cheek title “And That's The Truth!”. I stole that title from Lily Tomlin's famous line in the old TV show “Laugh In”.

One of the reviewers objected to my use of the word “dirt”. The proper word was “soil”! Hmmm … the next time I come into the house, sweating from yard work, I'll wash my soily hands, take off my soily clothes and throw them into the soily clothes hamper. I may even have some soily words for the mosquitoes or cold winds, depending on the season.

      Subsequently, I read about “soil” and, while the variations were interesting, what I was trying to do was closer to the idea of hydroponics. As in hydroponics, the only ingredients for my dirt were items that I consciously added. The point was to create a substance that the azaleas would think was just perfect. Not sand. Not silt. Not clay. Not loam. Something else. For my own internal usage it was named “Dirt”. Should I trademark that name? After many modifications the two mixes I am currently using I call “Good Dirt” and “Quick Dirt”.

      Lurching toward an understanding of what azaleas needed to caress their roots, I read various books and magazines while mixing ingredients in mad-scientist concoctions. Few of those experiments actually led to deaths, however there were many stunted, irregular and unhappy plants.

I learned that having a lot of organic matter is very important, but experts left out how much “a lot” is. And does the source of that organic matter matter? Cow manure, pine bark nuggets, sphagnum moss, yesterday's newspaper? Soil tests gave me a sense of how much I actually had in the mix, but I was still flying blind.

 

The start of my soil mix: Oak leaf compost, perlite, commercial humus and powdered clay.  Chemicals will be added before mixing.

      Also, chloride compounds are bad, but are there any safe levels?

      The plant needs a lot of chemicals in the soil, but which are soluble and need to be replaced regularly as they wash away? Which are stable, but if added continuously will lead to toxic levels?

The final composition of “Dirt”, suitable for framing, will never be realized as the formula will be constantly modified to achieve better results. In some future spring when many plants in “Dirt”'s latest iteration are thriving, there will still be the question of what changes would be necessary to make all the azalea variations happy. Evergreen and deciduous. Early blooming and late. Kurume as well as Southern Indian. The list of possible tweaks to the formula is almost endless.

      An interesting side note about this dirt problem: it is a rare problem, the result of self-selection. People do what comes easily for them. How many 5' tall adults practice basketball enough to dream of getting into the NBA? We have the same situation in the azalea society. People who can stick any plant into their dirt (sorry, soil) and have it grow well will likely buy more plants. People who stick them in and see the plants die in a year are convinced that they have a brown thumb and stop paying attention to greenery. Garden societies are filled with people who can stick a pencil in the ground and see a large pine there the next year. Self-selection. No one there wants to talk to me about the relative solubilities of calcium and magnesium. I'll just have to talk to myself (quietly, when no one's around ...)

      For years I've been trying to get my flower beds to look as good as those of other gardeners. An uncountable number of experiments, producing poorly growing plants and puzzling results, have finally lead to a satisfying collection that puts on a great display.

Stepping into the back yard on a nice spring morning I won't be hefting the cup of coffee that others will enjoy. I'll have a pickax on my shoulder, a bag of humus at my feet and stand tall as would Paul Bunyan. This “Dirt” is mine!